It has been a long time since I updated my blog and unfortunately I am in exactly if not worse position than I was previously.
We have had a round of ivf which we were very lucky to have funded by the NHS, but unfortunately it was just the one round and it failed. I was absolutely heartbroken and didn't want to do anything or go anywhere that had "people" this probably makes no sense, but I just wanted to be left alone to wollow in my own self pity.
Since then we have taken a holiday to Egypt which to my surprise is selling Clomid in the hotel reception. I took a months worth, but alas it worked in helping raise my progesterone levels, but not in conceiving. We have looked into another round of ivf, but at the moment we just don't have the funds to pay for it and so we looked into donor cycles whereby one or both of us would donate our genetic material. I was instantly refused because I have a bone disease and it's not known if it is, but it is thought to be hereditary. Jim was approved despite his mum having MS and we had the counseling and were getting close to actually starting our second round. I called 7 days after the counseling as instructed to let them know that we wish to go ahead and Jim spoke with a nurse who said that he would need to go in 20 times to make his donations and he would have to do this week days before 1:30pm. Well he doesn't finish work til 1:30pm most days and the clinic is an hour away. He isn't prepared to tell work to get lost and go anyway. So I started looking into new clinics and found one which is an hour away and they allow sperm donations until 3pm which sounded perfect. Problem came in that they refused him because his mum has MS. How can one clinic refuse and another be so willing?!
We've had talks about it where I have said that I think he needs to tell work to get lost as its just work, it's not his life, it's not his future and there are other jobs. He said he agreed with me, but as of yet he hasn't really been forthcoming in doing anything about it. I'm just constantly thinking what was different when I got pregnant previously? What can I do? What else is left to try?
Anyway as of my next period I am going on the contraceptive pill for 2-3 months. I need a break and who knows it may trick my body into thinking I'm pregnant and be more receptive if I get back on the clomid in December. I know it probably sounds like a stupid thing to say I'm going to actively try to not get pregnant when you're trying to conceive, but I need to put some control back into my life and this might make me feel like I'm stopping it from happening rather than it just not happening.
Any comments welcome - I'll try and do better at keeping this updated. Nothing has really happened lately, but at the same time so much has happened!
