I guess there really is something to be said for why you shouldn't read your husbands text messages.
Earlier we walked along the beach up and down at about 4 times (it's only half a mile long and with all this rich carribean food I need all the exercise I can get! I'm even walking up and down 4 flights of stairs to get to our room, but we have a pretty good view so it's worth it) and we were talking about whether or not I thought I could be pregnant. I said I doubted it, but you'd never know. When we get back from our walk I went to pee and there it was AF.
Already feeling a bit miserable Jim said he would go to the hotel's shop and buy me some chocolate. He left his phone I picked it up feeling fairly nosey and read his text messages. There was any particularly exciting, but there was one from our brother in law (who frankly I can't stand). It said I emailed you pictures last night. I know I shouldn't be upset about this, but I would rather Jim told me rather than trying to protect me. If he had at least told me I could have decided if I didn't want to see the pictures or not rather than feeling like I'm being left out of it all. His reply was she's beautiful. I don't know why I'm pissed off, but I hate the way he sounds so casual about it and doesn't say she's beautiful, but don't fucking email me pictures my wife is infertile and we want a baby and in the 4.5yrs we're been trying you have whipped up two!
They were litterally here with us in Jamaica 5 days short of a year ago when Jim's mum told me that they were going to start trying for another baby when they got back to the UK. That baby was born 2 weeks ago tomorrow.
We always used to be close with my sister and brother in law, but things started to change when Steve (bil) asked my (Jocelyn (sil) to marry him. I could never understand why Jim hadn't asked me and why Steve loved Jo more than Jim loved me. They had been together 6yrs and we had been together 7yrs. I always think I'm not good enough and this really isn't helping either.
They got married on September 19th 2008. By March Jim was showing me a text message from his dad announcing that he was going to be an uncle. I would sit there and cry and cry and it broke my heart that my in-laws would think that their baby would be their first grandchild. My SIL and BIL are the kind of people that travel the world. They have been to Russia, Uganda, Vietnam, they lived in rural China for a year and Washing DC for 2yrs. They have never been particularly settled and either now they're talking about moving to South America if Steve can find a job there. Frankly I hope they go. Because I was so upset about Jim's sister being pregnant Jim asked me to marry him. It was supposed to be romantic in the Dominican republic on the beach at night with fire flies in the background. Instead a dog turned up and I hadn't had a rabbies shot and wasn't in the market to get it. We went back to our room and Jim produced a ring and said put this on for me. Technically he never actually asked me.
I managed to convince Jim that a baby was what I wanted and we agreed we'd try to have one before we got married. At first I'd get my period and think OK maybe next time. I thought it would be fine as long as I managed to get pregnant before Jo moved back to the UK from DC. I knew I wasn't going to be able to cope if I had to see her and I wasn't pregnant. She came home in October 2010 I didn't see her until December 2011. I didn't want to do it then either and the only reason I did was they were having Eleanor christened and I couldn't really not go to a family occasion. I sat in the car and cried on the way there and Jim said I didn't have to do it, but I felt like I did and there wasn't a lot of choice. It wasn't that bad, but I was very quiet and didn't want to talk to anyone. It turned out Jim had told his dad I had an abortion and he kept asking me if I was OK.
Well Jo has now had 2 babies and I can't even get one. I'm not sure why life turned out this way or how this is supposed to be fair. All I know is I'm fed up of crying and not feeling like I'm fulfilled in my life. All I ever wanted was to me a mum and I don't this its ever going to happen.
I'll ask it again. How is this fair?
Earlier we walked along the beach up and down at about 4 times (it's only half a mile long and with all this rich carribean food I need all the exercise I can get! I'm even walking up and down 4 flights of stairs to get to our room, but we have a pretty good view so it's worth it) and we were talking about whether or not I thought I could be pregnant. I said I doubted it, but you'd never know. When we get back from our walk I went to pee and there it was AF.
Already feeling a bit miserable Jim said he would go to the hotel's shop and buy me some chocolate. He left his phone I picked it up feeling fairly nosey and read his text messages. There was any particularly exciting, but there was one from our brother in law (who frankly I can't stand). It said I emailed you pictures last night. I know I shouldn't be upset about this, but I would rather Jim told me rather than trying to protect me. If he had at least told me I could have decided if I didn't want to see the pictures or not rather than feeling like I'm being left out of it all. His reply was she's beautiful. I don't know why I'm pissed off, but I hate the way he sounds so casual about it and doesn't say she's beautiful, but don't fucking email me pictures my wife is infertile and we want a baby and in the 4.5yrs we're been trying you have whipped up two!
They were litterally here with us in Jamaica 5 days short of a year ago when Jim's mum told me that they were going to start trying for another baby when they got back to the UK. That baby was born 2 weeks ago tomorrow.
We always used to be close with my sister and brother in law, but things started to change when Steve (bil) asked my (Jocelyn (sil) to marry him. I could never understand why Jim hadn't asked me and why Steve loved Jo more than Jim loved me. They had been together 6yrs and we had been together 7yrs. I always think I'm not good enough and this really isn't helping either.
They got married on September 19th 2008. By March Jim was showing me a text message from his dad announcing that he was going to be an uncle. I would sit there and cry and cry and it broke my heart that my in-laws would think that their baby would be their first grandchild. My SIL and BIL are the kind of people that travel the world. They have been to Russia, Uganda, Vietnam, they lived in rural China for a year and Washing DC for 2yrs. They have never been particularly settled and either now they're talking about moving to South America if Steve can find a job there. Frankly I hope they go. Because I was so upset about Jim's sister being pregnant Jim asked me to marry him. It was supposed to be romantic in the Dominican republic on the beach at night with fire flies in the background. Instead a dog turned up and I hadn't had a rabbies shot and wasn't in the market to get it. We went back to our room and Jim produced a ring and said put this on for me. Technically he never actually asked me.
I managed to convince Jim that a baby was what I wanted and we agreed we'd try to have one before we got married. At first I'd get my period and think OK maybe next time. I thought it would be fine as long as I managed to get pregnant before Jo moved back to the UK from DC. I knew I wasn't going to be able to cope if I had to see her and I wasn't pregnant. She came home in October 2010 I didn't see her until December 2011. I didn't want to do it then either and the only reason I did was they were having Eleanor christened and I couldn't really not go to a family occasion. I sat in the car and cried on the way there and Jim said I didn't have to do it, but I felt like I did and there wasn't a lot of choice. It wasn't that bad, but I was very quiet and didn't want to talk to anyone. It turned out Jim had told his dad I had an abortion and he kept asking me if I was OK.
Well Jo has now had 2 babies and I can't even get one. I'm not sure why life turned out this way or how this is supposed to be fair. All I know is I'm fed up of crying and not feeling like I'm fulfilled in my life. All I ever wanted was to me a mum and I don't this its ever going to happen.
I'll ask it again. How is this fair?
It is not fair. I am having a rough day as well. I hope tomorrow is better for you. Take care. -Lisa
ReplyDeleteWhats wrong? Hope everything is ok. I'm about to go have a bath. Jim is ignoring me.
ReplyDelete